Paris With My Father
- Kate O'Neal-Eaton
- Mar 4
- 6 min read
My late mother loved Paris. She was a french teacher and had studied abroad at the Sorbonne in the 1960's when it was almost unheard of for women in college to do such things. She packed a trunk and took a ship across the Atlantic and spent a year in a foreign city perfecting her language skills and falling in love with the culture and adventure of the City of Light.
When I was a teenager, my parents took me and my best friend to Paris, igniting a love of travel in me forever. And when my own children were in elementary school (my parents, starting to feel their age and not wanting to miss the opportunity to introduce France and the wonders of travel to their grandkids) took all of us to Paris for a memorable Easter visit which has now instilled the same wanderlust and constant desire for travel in my own daughter. I am so glad we didn't wait "until the kids were older" or "until we could afford it" to travel with both my kids and parents. Because just a few years later, my mother died suddenly and unexpectedly. What a gift those special vacation memories are now...
I often think of traveling more in France, and we have hosted two foreign exchange students, both from the Paris area, now. My dad continues to return to Paris year after year to remember my mom, to feel closer to her, and to share this special city with friends and family. We just feel a connection to Paris. It is a way to remember my mom, who always came alive showing us around the city and translating and speaking for us in her fluent, flawless, French.
On a previous trip to Paris, my father spread my mother's ashes in Paris, and last year he wanted to show me exacltly where so that I could continue to visit with Mom's memory there. Also, Dad is in his late 80's now, and has some health issues that make it a bit more difficult to travel on his own so it's best if he has a travel companion. I was more than happy to come along for a few days in Paris.
"Paris is always a good idea."
— Sabrina (movie with Julia Ormond, 1995)
I want to share our trip highlights here and a bit about what I learned traveling abroad with an aging parent.
It is a joy to share an adventure with my dad. He has traveled extensively in his life. Often for work when I was kid, and later in retirement, with my mom. He has many stories to tell and a perspective on how things have changed over the decades, or how they have not. He helps me to recognize our place in the world as people privilged enough to travel, and as Americans. Even though I'll be 50 this year, I am still learning from the wisdom of my dad.
"Paris isn't for changing planes, it's... it's for changing your outlook, for... for throwing open the windows and letting in... letting in la vie en rose."
"I have learned how to live, how to be IN the world and OF the world, and not just to stand aside and watch."
— Sabrina (movie with Audrey Hepburn, 1954)
I am an active person on vacation. I like to make the most of my time in a new place - see all there is to see, experience everything I can, and cram in as much as time and money will allow for. But traveling with an older person helps me to slow down. Enjoy where I am and soak up the little things. To appriciate la vie en rose. In Paris, that means enjoying snacks and drinks and leisurely meals at streetside cafes. People watching and just listening to the sounds of the city.
It is impotant to plan your day with rests in mind. We used to travel by Metro when in Paris, but now there's too many stairs and too much walking for Dad. So we became experts at Uber and found that requesting a larger vehicle helped Dad maneuver into the European-sized vehicles since his knees don't bend like they used to. And we always took advantage of benches.
I had to learn to think more about how long we'd be standing. I am used to traveling to places like Disney theme parks where you pretty much spend your entire day on your feet. But Dad's back, feet, and joints can't do that anymore. Our first evening in Paris we went to watch the Eiffel Tower light up for the night and do it's sparkling light display. Dad was a trooper, but in retrospect, I think we should have skipped waiting for the light display or found a way to bring something he could sit on because it was too long to remain standing and could have limited his ability to enjoy explorations in the coming days due to lingering soreness.
My dad and I stayed in an AirBnB in Paris. This is something we've done many times and when traveling with our whole family (kids,parents, grandkids) all together it made a lot of sense. So we booked one like we usually do. However, now I think there are advantages to staying in a hotel as my dad gets older. Hotels can offer more help with luggage and more of other useful services like assistance calling a transfer to the airport or making a dinner reservation since dad is hard of hearing so telephone calls are difficult and has numbness in his fingers that can make using a phone app challenging. Hotels are also more likely to have conveniences like elevators and door locks that are easier to use or standardized rather than the sometimes funky or old fashioned keys of many vacation rentals which can be hard for dad to manipulate with the neuropathy in his hands.
One great thing to traveling with someone like my dad who has been to Paris many times of the years is that he knows both which of the famous highlights
of the city are worth revisiting, and what some of the less celebrated joys to be experienced are. We had a fabulous morning wandering well-known sites like Montmartre and the Rodin museum as well as visiting quaint little market streets just to admire the colorful displays of produce and cheese and quieter parts of town like l'ile Saint-Louis.
Traveling with someone with more limited mobility led me to experiencing something I never had before - seeing Paris from the Seine. We booked a boat tour down the river and got to see the city highlights from a new vantage point. It was relaxing, beautiful, and allowed Dad to take it easy while we both still got to see some of our favorite places and enjoy a new side of Paris. I really enjoyed this slower pace of travel - learning to BE in a place rather than constantly looking for the next thing to DO there.
Another great aspect of traveling with my dad was that as he gets older, he recognizes time is limited and therefore, doesn't pass up an opportunity to check something off his "bucket list". Just before we had arrived in Paris, Notre Dame had reopened after repairs from the tragic fire of a few years ago. Dad did not want to miss seeing how France had brought this world renowned treasure back to life. We wasted no time booking an entry slot to see her grandly refurbished interior.
I have been to Paris several times - the first when I was a teenager and my parents took me and my friend, then in college when I was abroad doing research for my undergraduate thesis and stopped in to visit my aunt who was living just outside the city, again when my kids were young and my parents took our family, and now with just my dad, Each visit has been unique, memorable, and left me wanting more. The slower pace of this last visit with Dad was fantastic and really allowed me to soak up the spirit of Paris. I hope you all can feel it for yourselves someday.
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